Sheer terror at 6:30AM. And in the mind of a 70 year old. And I am on my road bike on the Hotel Road in Cancun Mexico.
Something has transpired and I am 10 to 30 yards off the back of the peloton (the group of riders). There might have been a slowing for traffic and then a speed up. A slight hill over an arm of the sea might have been involved. Something has caused me to slow down and now I am desperately trying to catch back on to the group that is accelerating away from me.
And accelerating is the key word. Often I do not have enough brain cells getting oxygen to make this analysis. Thus the Sheer Terror. Those words kind of imply a lack of careful cogitation.
When there is oxygen to the brain, when the thought “are they accelerating away” comes to my consciousness, it is possible that the answer will be yes and then I have to drop into mindless overdrive. But the answer could be no. Maybe they are just in front of me but NOT increasing the distance and if I just hold this speed for another moment or so, THEN I can accelerate and close the gap. Or, God be blessed, they might slow down and my present effort, without super human exertion, may result in my catching them.
When I am with the group, when I am in the slip stream and not straining to catch from behind, I repeat a phrase over and over, to my self of course. “Sunday is slower” “Just hold the wheel”. This almost constant fear of dropping off is maybe like thinking the oven is on. Nothing is happening right now. Yes, my breaking is labored and my legs hurt but nothing I have to do something about in the next few minutes. “Just hold on”.
And, sometimes, I am almost relaxed. The pace has slowed or I have slipped into a rhythm. I am saying to myself “you can hold this a long time”. I am able to look ahead and see the terrain. I shake my hands to get the numbness out of them.
Most of us ride with numb hands while we ride. I ware a small set of gloved with a large pad in the palm and no finger coverings. The numbness comes because on the bike we are too pitched forward and a lot of the body weight is transferred from the palms to the bike. The nerves in the palm become numb and soon the whole hand, fingers need for breaking and shifting are also just a block of wood. Luckily, a little shake results in almost immediate remission.